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16 When David finished saying this, Saul asked, “Is that your voice, David my son?”
And he wept aloud. 17 “You are more righteous than I,” he said. “You have treated me
well, but I have treated you badly. 18 You have just now told me about the good you did
to me; the Lord delivered me into your hands, but you did not kill me. 19 When a man
finds his enemy, does he let him get away unharmed? May the Lord reward you well for
the way you treated me today.
When we finally get to verses 16 through 19 in this section of the conflict between Saul
and David, we are tempted to view the tension between these two leaders as being
resolved. After all, Saul freely confesses to David “You have treated me well, but I have
treated you badly.” In fact, Saul even compares his moral compass to David’s and
exclaims that David is more righteous than he is. Time to celebrate, right? Time to kill
the fattened calf, bring out the best wine and celebrate the reconciliation of these two
prominent figures in Israel…right?
Unfortunately, what we see at this point between Saul and David is not “peace.” Instead,
what we see here is what we so often settle for in our own relationships when there is
intense conflict, which is “false peace.” In other words, this is a momentary pause from
verbal and/or physical conflict without actually having dealt with the underlying issues
that are driving resentment, fear, mis-trust and insecurity between these two men. Not
once does Saul explicitly ask for forgiveness. Not once does Saul speak honestly about
the specific ways in which he has alienated David or attempted to kill him.
There is no true repentance. In fact, Saul’s statement of being “less righteous” is
something that couples will often do in conflict which is called “playing the martyr.” We
play the martyr to shut down the conversation by simply saying “we are the worst” which
is a back handed attempt to avoid taking responsibility for change. It sounds humble
and remorseful but, in reality, it’s insincere, unkind and petty. Conflict in a fallen world is
not only inevitable but it is necessary for our sanctification. The question is whether or
not we will pursue “peace” or if we will simply settle for the fools gold of “false peace.”
Q: What relationships in your life are marked by “false peace?” When you hurt someone
do you simply say “I’m sorry” or do you explicitly ask them “will you forgive me for (the
particular action)?” There is a major difference between these two responses! One
leads to peace, the other to false peace.
By Jimmy Carter
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